The Rise of Denial
by Antipoda
Summary: Oneshot. A feeling of dread has overcome young Volt since the announcement of his younger brother as the rightful owner of the zero score, yet, it is ought to him to accept or deny his fate. It is in his hands to rise, or to fall in his own void of pride.


**_Disclaimer:_**Symphonica: Grand Maestro is certainly not a game developed by myself. All the intellectual material, including environment, story and characters belong to Square Enix. I do not intend to claim these as mine, but rather give a tribute to the development team of this wonderful game!

Also, thank you very much for reading. English is certainly not my native language, so many grammatical mistakes may be present. Please excuse me for that.

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_**The Rise of Denial**_

Since the very beginning of my life I have been driven through reaching my sole goal, the only dream I have ever thought of, the objective that cleared my path, and gave me enough strength to endure pretty much all of my reality without ever falling on the vile vines of despair. All of my growth, the people I met, the things I learned, only to someday achieve that dream that grasped the tip of my fingers, but never could actually belong to me, but rather, to maybe the only person of the world that I ever cared about, and yet was willing to leave behind with the justification of acquiring my egoistic ambition.

The Zero Score, three words that alone lay with undeniable ambiguity, and even considered as a whole sentence hold no true meaning to the vast majority of people. Yet, for me, those three simplistic words held the whole purpose of my life, the mere reason of my behavior. Words that drew passion enough to destroy the life I could have had, just for the sake of ambition. My whole, sacred, structured, insane and selfish ambition. O dear Takt, I left you behind as a brother, and even though I remember you and recognize how much you have grown, the only feeling that lets me recognize you as part of my family is the reminder of the memories that even though remain in my mind, hold no significance in my heart. I still love you for you are the only one who prevents me from feeling devoid, yet, the weight of my sins bitters me enough to sketch to you smiles that will never be real. And I want to recognize you! I want to be happy for you for obtaining the zero score, but the rotten sensation of emptiness for my failure strengthens with my undeniable envy, a sensation that is tasted in my lips and does not go away, no matter the things I think, or the ways I distract myself.

I am not a good brother Takt, for I am devious and broken. Since that very day when we went to Einsatz together and showed our greatest skills as conductors, the thought of conceiving you as a better musician started to rot my heart to the point that the young brother you once knew...he died once my blindness of truth became more relevant than my own being, than you, or even than music itself. Now I am only the empty shell of the role model you always saw me as, a shell void and broken, with no other dream to follow.

You will not be able to recognize the scars that were left the very second the audience preferred your conducting than mine, when king hall was opened, and the zero score went to your hands. You would not understand the tears that slipped from my face, because they are the tears that only belong to the fallen, the ones whose dream are taken away by the truly worthy. The fallen who are unable to stand up, because they were beaten cleanly by the one who was better, even though they spent all the seconds of their life waiting for that very moment, taken away for eternity.

What am I about to do now that what I once thought has vanished from me entirely? What should I do now that the substance of my path has crumbled to pieces? My face of serenity has fooled you with skill my dear brother, for with your innocence you are unable to perceive the length of my shattered pride. I see you smile with your heart, and yet your happiness for achieving what I never could, it will never be close to the extend of my defeat. But do not doubt little brother, because I am unable to hold resentment to you, who have only followed the righteous path since you drew your very first breath. And your heart is not broken, is not shattered or rotten, and its purity is what has made you victorious.

Trapped I am on a hole filled by my own fear and despair, feeling hopeless and lost, devoid of pride, ambition or even a path to follow. Music is maybe the greatest of my muses, always willing to give me the illusion of purpose where there is not. Not yet.

As in the most important situations in life, the possibilities could be reduced do victory or defeat. In life I have been defeated, deceived and broken, though I am pretty sure the only responsible one is me. Victory now lays in the hands of the righteous, as it always should be. And now that I am pretty much the perfect example of the meaning of failure, it is my choice to fall into this reality, or find my own creative way to redeem myself. Simple it shall not be, for nothing else I have ever known, still, I shall cling on something else.

A promise we have made to each other, the promise of a prompt encounter. A new opportunity for us to show our worth, our quality, and the way we bend the beautiful music to our will. A new test for me, a test to show to the world and to myself that I shall surpass my brother again, that I still can believe in the chance of becoming the best conductor. And I shall not flee from this opportunity being skilled as I know I am, because I am aware that the opportunity is in my hands, but first I should find a way to heal all the wounds of my spirit, wounds of which many are self-inflicted.

For now I shall bind you farewell, Takt. We shall separate for a while, follow our paths, grow and return. I am now not a worthy rival for you since my heart holds the deepest grudges and traces of sin, but I shall redeem myself, heal the wounds that never intended to heal, and become righteous such as yourself.

I do not intend to give up on my reality, I intend to bend it to my convenience. I shall be against the destiny that with effort tries to overcome my ambition, since it will only bring me despair. I deny my defeat, I deny my failure, I deny that my rotten heart cannot be reborn, and thus I deny the existence of a conductor better than me. I shall deny it all, and that is because being ambitious is my nature, and all I have ever known.

Just wait for me Takt, when I see you again, I will have given up on all the gloom and desperation, all the egoism and the grudges that torn my heart into pieces. Denial will rise, denial to accept all the rules that are willing to forge my destiny. And O what a beautiful way to redeem myself! because my healer will be music nonetheless. The voice of the universe, and the holder of the most immense and wonderful power. When we meet again, I will be the one to deserve the will of music itself.

I promise.


End file.
